The Remembering of Jarren Vaughan Habel…

birthday-cakeToday, as I awoke, all that kept running through my head was “Tá Brón Orm” (the sadness is upon me) for today is my beautiful baby boy’s 43rd birthday.

I’ve written about Jarren Vaughan and his early death from measles both HERE and HERE so what was it that flung me into such deep sadness today which meant I only managed to crawl out of bed, swallow a bit of food and then retreat to the comfort of the “blankies” willing myself to sleep, to forget and to be at peace?… Total oblivion, if only for a few more hours.

No great mystery really… it was the unearthing, a few weeks ago, of the last loving message, sent 18 years ago, from my now deceased mum on the event of Jarren’s birthday. Mum and dad were living way down south in Goolwa, at that time, and it was a beautiful hand-crafted card which turned up in the post.

jarren. note from mum

Every year mum always remembered, always contacted me and we shared the loving memories which included the joy and sadness at the loss of that little scrap of humanity… Jarren Vaughan Habel.  My husband was in the RAAF (Royal Australian Air Force), we were living in Perth, Western Australia, and mum was the only family member who ever knew him, held him, fed him, comforted him and marvelled at the miracle he was… apart from myself, his dad and his big three year old brother, Cullen Andrew.

I wrote on the back: "Nana and Jarren (Aged 5 weeks the baby, that is) May 1970"

I wrote on the back: “Nana and Jarren (Aged 5

weeks the baby, that is) May 1970″

"Cullen, Nana and Jarren enjoying special cuddles" May 1970

“Cullen, Nana and Jarren enjoying special cuddles” May 1970

The sadness was because of the realisation that never again would I get a loving message of remembrance on my little boy’s birthday… and the tears fell.  Little did I know what was awaiting me when finally forcing myself to face the day. Logging onto Facebook was a beautiful message from “My Little Ray of Sunshine”, my precious daughter Kirrily Ann, born 2 years after Jarren…

Kirrily and mummy -  Sep 1972

Kirrily and mummy – Sep 1972

… and then came the acknowledgements and loving messages from others showing that my beautiful Jarren Vaughan will always be remembered and included as a member of our family and the ache in my heart eased.

It was especially lovely to hear that my youngest Grandson, Jay, had been talking with his mummy about Uncle Jarren and asking questions… such as why he was given that name?…  Kirrily passed on the story.

Thankyou everyone and much love to you all.


Copyright © 2013. Catherine Ann Crout-Habel

17 thoughts on “The Remembering of Jarren Vaughan Habel…

    • Thankyou for your kind thoughts Sheryl. The photos are beautiful, aren’t they… I couldn’t find them yesterday… had a bit of a cry and then found them 🙂 phew!!!

    • That’s so lovely of you Kylie… thankyou. We had a very special bond, the three of us, and the loss is huge but I’m sure she’s having lots of fun with him now … Thanks again.

  1. I want to thank Annette, Sandra, Craig and Carolyn from “Saving Graves – WA” for their kindness, understanding and support re: my little boy being so far away. When Craig first heard of my concern over Jarren’s grave possibly being vandalised he immediately said he’d keep an eye on it and sent this message, surrounded by hearts:
    “He flies with the butterflies, as high as can be, he delights in the world, with
    his spirit so free” Craig Hyde Feb 2013.”
    Today I received a delightful message from Annette who lives close to Jarren’s final resting place in Midland Cemetery. Annette visited my little boy yesterday, he’s safe and sound and she will continue to keep an eye on him 🙂 …
    Sandra and Carolyn continue to work tirelessly to stop the MCB desecrating the final resting places of our Ancestors in WA. I wrote about the campaign and you can help by signing the petition, if you haven’t done so already. Many thanks to all the caring people with kindness and love in their hearts. Here’s the link to my category on graves:

  2. Oh my gosh… 😥
    I can’t believe it, but I had no idea you had gone through this. I am so, so sorry… sorry beyond words as I sit here with tears in my eyes knowing what you have been through for the first time in my life. And knowing Jarren’s name.
    I am heartbroken for you.
    I am so glad you have written about your mum and Jarren. Jarren was absolutely precious and your mum was an amazing woman. They will not be forgotten.
    Sending lots of love your way xxx

    • I am also deeply saddened that you went through so much of this in virtual isolation… away from most of your friends and family at a time when instant messaging, widespread counseling services, online support groups, etc were non-existant. Even with every support mechanism available and surrounded by everyone who cares about you, losing a child is the most painful thing I can imagine a person can go through. What you went through is a nightmare 😦 I can only imagine how painful it’s been all these years that so many family members did not get to meet, hold and know Jarren. I am glad that I can know him now through your blog and I am already telling my family here about him. xxx

      • Thankyou for your loving and caring Marisa. What has always been important to me is that my beautiful baby boy is never forgotten and will remain a part of our family forever.
        There were those within the family who expected/ told me to just “get over it”. and that “tears won’t bring him back”. Even in more recent times at a celebration, of some sort under your Uncle’s backyard Patio, I had his neighbour from across the road insisting that my boy was a “miscarriage” and… blah blah blah… When I exploded in anger I was once again painted as being “unreasonable” and “over-emotional” by those who benefited most by pasting these labels upon me.
        But there you go… I ask for no pity… only that my little boy is never forgotten. Thankyou Marisa for keeping his memory alive within your own family. Much xxx always, Auntie Catherine.

      • I am shocked that anyone would tell a grieving mother to “get over” the loss of her child. I think I could live for a thousand years and not “be over it”!… even if I had come to accept it, even if I had a full life and gratitude in my heart, even if I was surrounded by loved ones, I would always be sad about the loss of someone else and wonder what life would have been like if they’d had a chance to grow up. People are not replaceable. So, so sad to hear about what happened with someone suggesting ludicrous things about Jarren 😦 I would have been so upset if I’d been there. I can only imagine how you felt 😦 Whatever you feel about Jarren’s passing you are entitled to feel. I know you don’t want pity, but I want you to know that I am very sad to hear that others have been insensitive. Hugs to you!!! xx

  3. Thanks my lovely Marisa for the understanding… but please don’t be too upset on my behalf.
    I’m glad you’re reading my stories which are very likely to give a totally different perspective to that which has been passed on to you through other members of my birth family… but it is no longer of any worry to me.
    It suits some people to try and progress the myth that I’m over emotional, exaggerate matters etc… because it allows their bad behaviour to be covered up. However the events surrounding my beloved mum’s death and their behaviour for years before, at the time, and after she died has finished it for me and I’ve given up trying to “make things right” which is what my beautiful mum expected of me… being the only girl.
    Thanks for the caring and for the loving Marisa. Appreciated in ways for which I have no words xxx

  4. Pingback: A blue duck and little brown shoes | A SILVER VOICE FROM IRELAND

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